Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
