Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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