In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
