I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
