I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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