watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
