Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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