dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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