Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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