people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
