i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
