There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
