She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
