is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
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he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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