Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
