yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
