I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You have to summon your inner elephant
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
