I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
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Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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