what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
