I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
