I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
