Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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