I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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