Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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