Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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