You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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