No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize