We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
