did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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