I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
