If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
