just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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