Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
