WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Holy sore nipples Batman
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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