How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
