I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
