she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
