I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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