she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have post one night stand depression
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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