so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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