just come out here and I will go home with you...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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