Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
