I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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