We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
