no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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