covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
