Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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