Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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