im drinking this country out of the recession.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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