"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
