I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
