nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
