Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Text me some of your sweat
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