i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
