Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
