They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
