Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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