the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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