So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
