you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
