My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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