for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
