His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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