I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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