apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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