You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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