I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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